Author: Phil

“I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” By Leann Rimes Wait, what? Didn’t we do this yesterday? Yep. Wasn’t it a Monday Music Monstrosity? Yep. But we’re doing it again? Yep. Don’t you hate country music? Yep. Have you lost your mind? Ye– well… maybe. I didn’t know this version existed until a few weeks ago, when I happened to come across it while flipping the dial on SiriusXM. I almost turned it off when it started. I didn’t like the like the original, I sure as hell wouldn’t like a country remake. But I decided to chance it. And okay,

Welcome to Monday Music Monstrosity, where each Monday I will talk about a holiday song I absolutely detest. I won’t link to it because it sucks so hard. I just want to share my pain because misery loves company. “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” By Gayla Peevey Why couldn’t this song have stayed forgotten? My Christmas would have been fine without this song. Let it stay in 1953, and die before the 60’s came along. But no. Sometime in the late 00’s, this song was rediscovered. I remember hearing it on one of the local radio stations that went

“Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy” By Bing Crosby and David Bowie This is a duet that, on paper, shouldn’t work. Bing Crosby and David Bowie seem like such complete opposites. American clean-cut crooner, British new-wave rocker. Opposites may attract, but really? These two? And yet it does. While the TV special may be awkward and make you cringe when watching it, somehow these two made magic together. It’s even more impressive when you learn David’s portion was written for him in an hour when he came to tape the special and balked at singing “Little Drummer Boy”. It’s understandable —

“Little Saint Nick” By Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Of course I’d take the Muppet version of a song over the original version. The Beach Boys first released this song in 1962, and honestly it took me years of not decades to warm up to it. Even this version — I’d listen to it on the record of John Denver and The Muppets – A Christmas Together, but it wasn’t my favorite. A few years ago, though, I started to like the Beach Boys version more. And then when I would listen to the Muppets, I’d pay more attention

“Mele Kalikimaka” By Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters Ah, another Christmas classic song, lovingly sung by Bing and the Andrews Sisters. I included it because of it being in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It’s one of the best Christmas movies, don’t argue with me. This song is heard as Clark Griswold stares out the window, day-dreaming about his pool he wants to put in the ground. It’s a classic scene, and somehow this song doesn’t seem out of place. While reading about this song, I learned what “Mele Kalikimaka” means. It’s a way of turning “Merry Christmas” into the

“Ring Christmas Bells” By the Ray Conniff Singers I don’t have a lot to say about this song. I just know I like it. Based on “Carol of the Bells”, this version adds lyrics to the familiar melody. I think what strikes me the most about it is just how it sounds. You hear it and you know it’s old. You just know they don’t make recordings like this any more. It’s the audio equivalent of an oil painting that has dulled over time. The sound isn’t as crisp as newer songs. Orchestration feels very traditional. It feels like mono

“White Christmas” By The Drifters “White Christmas” is a perennial holiday classic, even if it didn’t originally come from the movie White Christmas. When you mention the song, most people envision Bing Crosby’s golden tones painting a picture of fresh snow covering a quaint town, Christmas just around the corner. Irving Berlin’s lyrics are timeless and classic, and you can’t imagine Christmas without the song. It’s a great song. You know how I know that to be true? Because great songs can be sung in nearly every genre and still be great. Case in point – this version by the

“Step Into Christmas” By Elton John and Bernie Taupin I don’t have too much to say about this song. On the face of it, it’s an oddity for holiday songs. It is definitely a product of its time, even though it was produced to mimic the Phil Spector “Wall of Sound” from a decade or more prior. It’s a mix of 1960’s and 1970’s sound, and it sounds very much of its era. And the lyrics seem very much aware of what the song is — it’s not so much a song about Christmas as it’s a song about being

Welcome back to Monday Music Monstrosity, where each Monday I will talk about a holiday song I absolutely detest. I won’t link to it because it sucks so hard. I just want to share my pain because misery loves company. Monday Music Monstrosity #1 “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” By John Cougar Melloncamp From the moment the first honky-tonk style guitar and keyboard starts playing to the final chorus of kids singing offkey, this song is painful. I cringe when it comes on the radio The music. Lord. Honky tonk style. Twang. Country drums. This cover takes the holiday