Welcome back to Monday Music Monstrosity, where each Monday I will talk about a holiday song I absolutely detest. I won’t link to it because it sucks so hard. I just want to share my pain because misery loves company.
Monday Music Monstrosity #1
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
By John Cougar Melloncamp
From the moment the first honky-tonk style guitar and keyboard starts playing to the final chorus of kids singing offkey, this song is painful. I cringe when it comes on the radio
The music. Lord. Honky tonk style. Twang. Country drums. This cover takes the holiday classic (which takes on a decidedly different take these days — is Daddy dressed as Santa or is Mommy cheating?) and turns it from slightly problematic to full blown audio horror show.
And the ending. The slow guitar like a cowboy is sitting on his horse waiting for the saloon to open so he can drink cheap whisky that will burn his gut and his mind. And the kids. I hate kids choirs. And this is overly cutsey and off key. Puts my teeth on edge so much they ache even as I think about it.
John Cougar may have been an 80’s icon, but since he’s responsible for this horrible version of a questionable song, he can take his Tasty Freez hot dog and shove it.
Tomorrow – are you prepared to step in?
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