Welcome to Monday Music Monstrosity, where each Monday I will talk about a holiday song I absolutely detest. I won’t link to it because it sucks so hard. I just want to share my pain because misery loves company.
“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”
By Gayla Peevey
Why couldn’t this song have stayed forgotten? My Christmas would have been fine without this song. Let it stay in 1953, and die before the 60’s came along.
But no. Sometime in the late 00’s, this song was rediscovered. I remember hearing it on one of the local radio stations that went all Christmas music for the season. The DJs went all in on this refound classic song that was so much fun! People called in to express how much they loved it and wasn’t it fun to hear the same caller sound bite over and over saying how cute the kid was who sang it?
Meanwhile, that kid’s quavering voice is making my ears bleed. Kid singing makes my teeth ache, and Gayla’s vibrato just made me hate the song so much.
And just to be clear, nobody should want a hippo for Christmas. They’ll mess you up. They be mean.
Too bad they can’t rend this song out of existence. God, what a horror.
Tomorrow – wait, what? Deja Vu, man.