Welcome to Monday Music Monstrosity, where each Monday I will talk about a holiday song I absolutely detest. I won’t link to it because it sucks so hard. I just want to share my pain because misery loves company.
Monday Music Monstrosity #1
The Christmas Shoes
By NewSong
Not to pile on top of all the other people who complain about this wretched piece of holiday sap — well, okay, yes, I want to do that. This song absolutely sucks. It’s horrific. It’s banal. It’s treacle. It’s an awful story wrapped up in feel-good wrapping paper that can’t disguise just how godforsakenly awful this is.
Go look up Patton Oswalt’s take down of this on YouTube. I won’t link it here because swears, but it sums up pretty much my feelings on this crap in a pretty funny way.
I think my big issue with it is all the people who told me when it first came out that I had to listen to it because it was such a pretty song with such a beautiful message. And then I heard it and couldn’t mentally retch fast enough.
It’s utter garbage. It’s totally written to produce a manufactured response. There is nothing genuine about it. It’s packaged sentimentality that is designed to berate you if you don’t shed a year for this boy and his shoe purchase for his mom. NewSong should be ashamed and apologize for foisting this awful piece of audio hell onto us and for enabling those who declare it to be the best song ever.
God I hate this song.
And you know what? This isn’t even the Christmas song I hate the most.
Tomorrow — the song that launched a thousand rock concerts.
Wonderful views on that!
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